fading away

been while between posts, and in reality this one has spent quite a while developing and taking shape in my mind… the reason for the theme of “fading” is simple; it’s a very good way to describe how I’ve felt since the Perth to Brisbane adventure came to an end.

I didn’t expect it, well not to hit me this hard, but it really was a shock to the system. I’ve described it to a few people now as being similar to leaving prison, or coming back from a long spell of service overseas, or working away for an extended period in an isolated situation.

the day to day existence on the road, the sh eer joy of living in the moment, every single moment. the simplicity of that existence, being completely insulated from day to day mediocrity such as bills, unfulfilling work, pointless stuff. and the focus on the task in hand, one extraordinary goal, living and breathing it every single day, for 4 months..

it was amazing, it was beyond adequate description, and it came to an end. that’s where the “problems” began. not problems as such, perhaps “issues” is a better word. completely unexpected and unanticipated in any case.

there is no way I could have returned to work straight away,

so I was very fortunate to have a few months up my sleeve from the redundancy payout, and I really did make the most of that opportunity. easing myself back into society, but society hadn’t changed. I most definitely had.

it felt as though things had faded. the goal had been achieved, and it left a huge hole in my life. I pined for the road. I so badly wanted to get out there again and keep on walking, day in, day out. I didn’t want it to end. this is a fact that had started to make itself known as I approached Brisbane. the closer I got the crazier my emotions became; exhilarated that I was going to complete this thing, increasingly sad to think it was all coming to a conclusion.

#HAA2015 was not just a part of my life for the 18 months prior, it WAS my life for that 4 month period. and now it was gone. I was heartbroken and aimless, purposeless and had not expected to feel like this at all.

this was, of course, a necessary part of the process that I needed to go through. in doing so I finally understood what they mean by “it’s all about the journey, not the destination”. I finally understood that it’s not getting to a specific outcome or goal that defines us, or our lives, it’s the actions we take every single moment that take us towards those destinations, and the way we react and the alternatives we discover when we handle unexpected changes that life throws at us.

when faced with these types of feelings, it is all too easy to revert to old habits, to fall back to old behaviours and thought processes. reality was for me that despite all that was achieved, there was a terrible sense of “what was the point?”

I was of course, missing the point, entirely.

getting to Brisbane was a side effect, a sort of incidental outcome of a journey that changed me, that opened me up to amazing feelings, emotions and experiences. the main outcome wasn’t a place, it was me, who I am now, what I have become in doing this.

just to make something clear – I’m ok!

lots to think about, lots to do, lots to process, but with those terrible feelings behind me, and a wonderful appreciation of the real value and meaning of what happened last year, it’s time to move forward, to build on what has been achieved so far. to create more and more momentum.

doing what?

doing more with HAA, creating the organisation it is meant to be, encouraging people to get active, to pursue their dreams, no matter how crazy, and raise money for the Heart Foundation at the same time.

coaching. mentoring. putting out good basic lifestyle change information. fully understanding that I have a powerful story and compelling evidence of direct personal experience with lifestyle change and personal transformation.

it is time to complete the processing of what happened from May to September last year. time to move to the next level.

time to make life even more amazing….

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